By Claudia Gova
I had a dream. Where my classmates of theatre and I spent a class dancing all dressed in white. All seemed familiar and roomy, and I felt at the beginning very joyous, observing the group being buzzing.
The teacher was in the middle of the group, and suddenly, she extended her arm in my direction, indicating the time for me to let go a guitar that I was binding with all my trust. When I deliver the instrument to her, I felt insecure and a subtle anger came to the surface as I watched, how the teacher unbound the golden rope that I recently tied.
As I woke up that morning, I remember the feeling of estrangement. Exactly the week I had this dream, the teacher in real life was far away on a journey. So I said to myself -“what a wonderful
world mentor, that even in distance, she continues giving me lessons to think about”.
During that day, I pushed myself to remember more details of that dream. I kept questioning ¿why this sensation of frustration just for not letting go an instrument that I even play? Maybe it was because I recognize that I hate to be corrected, something more was there. I remember that the teacher approached very close and said: “your talent is to grab your self-destruction as a woman and play delicate music”
When she said that in the dream, it touched my soul so deeply that when I woke up, that was the sensation that conveyed through the day.
It was our turn to pass the scenario. We played as rehearsed.
At the moment when my comrade and I, offered to show our theatrical investigation, I started to doubt. We passed and as usual, in my experience, I dissolved with the stage, with the lights, with that sacred space. I became actor and observer of what was revealed and as the process was unfolding, I remembered the sensation provoked by the dream. A tornado of unsatisfaction was looming!
Before passing, my partner told me: “I trust you” and those words created echo inside. We dance, I felt dizzy. I felt my heartbeat increase with every minute. I saw how my game was unmasked. And let me confess what I became aware, a very simple fact: in that school of theatre, we are learning to show us in our own spectrum of light.
That day I could finally watch and experienced, shadow and position thanks for working in pairs. I felt very intensely how I wanted to stay playing and evading and the pain showed up as an indicator that a piece of the puzzle was still untimely.
I saw how I fail every time I think and I disconnect from what is really asking the inside to come outside.
I saw myself on the outside. Rushing and the huge lesson of that present moment was that I discover I was in company, being touched and also touching another mirror. Em was my team and I felt more pressure. I felt that something big for both of us, was coming to yell: “do you see yourself? or what you are doing is just movement without love?
I I I I I I I became sick and ashamed of the message. I I I I I and I ….. realize the circular response that comes from the I I I I cage system of mine.
Our initial solo was beautiful no just because of the opening of vision that offered to my heart. It was unique in the way that touched me with straight precision and trust.
thank you, Em!