Now, I want to talk about quitting. Lately, I allowed myself to observe the desire to abandon and fudge away from hard responsibilities. But to be honest, wanting to quit and avoid certain things, made me feel tons of emotions, and at the end, these internal devour connected me straight to the roots of buried fears.
I became to watch life as a movie of destruction, in black and white, trippy, with a very odd plot and experimental focus. The protagonist was being pulled down. Down to what? To her own limits.
I tumble up all my lows and tumble down all my highs. For weeks I walk without knowing the destiny, the objectives became unclear and didn’t longer fit with any of my reality. I pass across a limb.
Desperately I tried to use an old technique, with pressure and lack of vision, I tend to hide behind my master act of vanishing away. I fly away into imagination, into a bubble created in my sacred space and home temple. But on this occasion, this old permission I gave myself wasn’t enough. It was like if I carried another weigh from the terrestrial life, and my world apart, couldn’t hold longer.
The bubble pop
I’m here writing, typing, listening to music. With a smile on my face, contemplating the light of the candle next to me. Simple as that, sometimes I forgot I have the simple things to take me back to better encounters with confusion, fear, loss, death, pressure, luck, love, friends, rejections or ecstasy.
This sensations of wanting to escape and catching me, trying to find an exit button in life, made me realize I’m still learning how to do, how to be, how to become authentic, how scary and vulnerable I am.
And why not pop all that shit I carry? why not smile to all that blur, to all that own limitations?
Let’s actualize the software
Photo: John Lawson