“Sorry,” I told to myself, to the people I failed this week, to my inner child, to life I wanted to escape from. While I watched the news, my heart kept pumping blood but emotionally it shrank. Fire, blood, tears, hate, discrimination, brutality, nonsense.
¿Are Newscasts the mirror of the world?
I started the week like a sunken treasure. The problem is that I wasn’t observing or feeling as the treasure at all. I felt cold, anger, discouragement and apathy.
The book called “Fear” of Thich Nhat Hanh helped me hold these days of confusion, entering into my mind as kind words of good friends or as the hug of my mother. What I realize is that every second here, the universe helps and offers doors, ways, and contact to comfort and push us to calm and breathe, to rethink and capture the lessons everywhere.
Back to Thich, I was reading a phrase where he calls “venoms” to certain things we consume and we are used letting enter into our daily lives. Examples are many, news, technologies, food, habits, toxic relationships, thoughts… What surrounds us in many levels, stain our designs. The author wasn’t at all giving a tone of a preacher, he was delivering a point of view as an open and direct human that points towards a huge wound.
The wound of being here without limits, without consciousness or awareness.
The good news is that through the week, I found focus. I fight with myself and at the same time face my old ways, I had no other option. I watched the old fashion me that wants to seek the bad side, the damage, the broken piece outside in the search of repairing, instead of confronting first its own necessities.
Yes, since Monday, I started a new kind of fitness. Soul fitness. Soul listening. Personal training embracing. How? Remembering that I can love more. Also, reminding to walk with patience and also with the knowledge that my time in this existence, is really short.
I love to watch the news, to be free of busy schedules, to feel like a river floating, however, its time to explore more options. To take this vitality into different kind of structures and adjust with softness while I find how to serve this world.
Illustration: Julianna Brion
Text: Claudia Gova